we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize