I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
