you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
