I got chris browned last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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