I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
