I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
