Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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