Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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