Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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