Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
