he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
MIDGETS
????
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
