I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i now understand why vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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