We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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