I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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