How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
