i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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