is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
