I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
