Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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