Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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