I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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