I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
