I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
