I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
