she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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