Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
