i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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