sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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