If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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