is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
