took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize