I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize