He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
