Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
