Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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