Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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