aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
