We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
