Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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