He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
