I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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