Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
