Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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