I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
