and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
