P.S. I can't hear my feet
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
