I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
