May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
