the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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