He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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