Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
