ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
only you would photoshop your dick
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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