She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
