When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
