Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i think my cat just said my name.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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