I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
