Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
