Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
