Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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