Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
