I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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