Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
