Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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