his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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