can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
