She said her name was "party"
well you can't waste a boner
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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