I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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