when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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