You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
my sisters under your porch take her home
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
