You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
