If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
