Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
