HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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