It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
