Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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