hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
