3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
