when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
