Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize