my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
