Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
