I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
